Reputation from Paradoxxx - Outbreak Community Forums

Paradoxxx got a reaction from Extinct ツ in An introduction to Mafia July 19, 2018

This game was dope as hell yo

Paradoxxx got a reaction from Danny in An introduction to Mafia July 18, 2018

This game was dope as hell yo

Paradoxxx reacted to Doomblade94 in The Method to My Madness June 6, 2016

I've received quite a bit of negative blowback following my latest shenanigans (if you could call it that) regarding Coco and the song I wrote for her as a joke.
I've received one very important comment though in that thread, and despite what some of you may have said about me having problems, this one I found to be the most important over all.
A few of you might be wondering: "Doomblade, we've made posts telling you what a demented, deranged fucker you are and somehow THIS is more eye-opening to you than what we've been trying to tell you all along?"
The answer:
YES!

Having to type out a response to that question has made me go back and reflect on my past decisions, and more importantly, why DID I do those things?
While I could have easily posted this answer in my MV thread, that would have only de-railed it further. Rather than do that, I've decided to make this new thread to answer these questions as well as make reference for anyone asking the above question in the future.

The Method to Doomblade3890's Madness
To answer the people currently asking and who may ask
in the future why I do what I do.
NotRJayy, you're not the first to ask me that question. In my Junior year of HS, I had a girl in my Drama Class ask me how I became so demented. My initial response to her was "Probably because I play online with a bunch of stoners, perverts and people who were arrested for assault", to which she said "Well at least you're honest" with a disturbed look on her face. OK, that wasn't my word-for-word response, but you get the idea. Before I even played on Outbreak, I surrounded myself with the wrong crowd. When I first started playing online games other than Runescape, I played CS 1.6. This was my first experience in an online community where the people running the clan servers weren't a bunch of professional employees from a studio like Jagex. From my experience in Runescape, however, rules were rules, and even the slightest infringement warranted punishment. I knew because I made some comments that didn't really warrant punishment but got it anyway. I took that mentality to the online FPS community. The first clan I really settled into was, for the sake of not naming actual clans, we'll just call them R-Gaming. I can't remember if it was my "strict rule mentality" that got me harassed, but I got some flak from one of the admins. Still, my belief that "ALL infringements deserved punishment" was cemented in my mind when I reported him after he abused his powers to change my name to insinuate I was gay, because he not only lost his admin powers, but was permanently banned as well. Longer into my stay, I had other members harass me as well. It eventually got to the point where one day, one of the other admins, one who was respected in the community, stalked me across servers and used Admin chat (the white text that appears in the middle of your screen) to spam shit about me. When I reported him, it got dismissed. I eventually left the clan because aside from half the servers starting to go down half the time, I realized that the community was falling apart and it was just as shit as someone had warned me it was. The lesson I learned?

Trying to Be a good member can earn you SHIT.

I found my way into another clan on CS:CZ. It was very small, mostly filled with squeakers. They had two rivals: one was another clan whom they hated more, and another was, surprise surprise, R-Gaming. It was like Christmas. After about two or three months, I learned that. I then went onto each rival clan's servers, changing my STEAM avatar and username to match the admins from the opposing faction, and made hostile comments to each of them under my disguise. With the entire server on each community witnessing what they believed to be one of their rivals making such comments, I then took to their forums posing as the leader of their rival's clan. The more hated clan didn't respond right away, but R-Gaming's staff were really pissed at the former clan. I then learned a very important piece of information; the former clan was using maps that R-Gaming's owner made EXCLUSIVELY for R-Gaming, and according to one of their staff, using their maps without their permission violated some sort of STEAM rules that could essentially get them shut down. I believed it because while I played in R-Gaming I also played on a Zombie Plague 4.3 server that was run by a renegade nutjob (who abused the fuck out of his powers) who told me he got banned from another ZP server and was using some of their maps, and later on his server went down and I never saw them again since. The people at the new clan were quite interested about what I discovered, and had I been given enough time I might have been able to trick R-Gaming into taking out the rival clan. Unfortunately, the owner of the new clan did not see eye-to-eye with my methods like the other members did, and promptly perma'd me.

You're probably thinking to yourself "Good Riddance", but you'd be wrong. You see, after leaving that second clan, I quickly found myself with a new clan, whom we'll call Silents. I quickly rose the ranks, getting an approved Member application and eventually getting Forum Moderator status. I was even going to be given Staff status, but due to my bingeing on Sven Co-op I got demoted (which I was OK with, because I wasn't ready for that level of responsibility just yet and would have just declined had I been around. Yes, they assigned me Staff status without consulting me, but that was after ownership changed hands and the new owner was total shit). At the end of the school year, I left Silents to go play CS:S after I got a new graphics card for the computer so it could handle SOURCE engine games. The lesson I took away from Silents? Well, since I was perma'd for doing some radical shit in the second clan and ended up in a much better clan that gave me so much power, I deduced one thing:

Fate REWARDS me for pulling radical shenanigans!
Seriously, had I never been perma-banned from that second clan I never would have bothered looking for a new one and therefore would have never found Silents and therefore would have never gained so much rule-enforcing power. Hell, I even got perma'd from a GMOD TTT community, and because of that I had to find a new one and landed in a new and better community that I still play with to this day, even having one of my STEAM workshop maps nominated to be on the server list just recently (it got turned down, but someone still thought it was good enough to nominate it). There was one other instance that I did, something that involved one of my old friends from Silents and an annoying kid on a Minecraft server we used to play on, but I'm not going into detail to it because of how twisted it was (which should already have alarm bells going off in your heads). Still, fate rewarded me as neither me nor my old friend got into trouble or were ever caught.
I started playing CS:S, GMOD, and then TF2 when the Uber Update made it F2P. I found my way into a CS:S clan, and got hooked on Dark RP in Garry's Mod. I found my way into a new clan on CS:S, whom we'll call Beegees. They had some crazy moments and people. One moment was when a moderator went on a rant about how rape, yes rape, can be good if it's a girl who rapes a guy, unless the guy is gay in which case he's like "Oh shit I just got raped!". Another was when a female mod made some sexual jokes about another female member, then asked us "Now imagine if you're making out with your girlfriend and you're slowly pulling up her shirt and instead of tits you get two hairy testicles flopping out in your face". There were also some stoners in that clan, one of which asked us to help him name his new bong, but none of it was too radical, and was just as tame as Outbreak was. Throughout my endeavors, however, in Garry's Mod Dark RP, I went from server to server because the Dark RP system other servers had didn't quite suit my desires just as I wanted them to be. I overheard two kids, one day, discussing a toxic community that we'll call Scourge Noobs and how all its members were RDM'ers (which is basically the Dark RP's form of Freekilling). I avoided Scourge Noobs for a while, until I saw them on the server list as the most populated Dark RP server. I checked them out, and was hooked on their gameplay. But let me tell you, they really were toxic. You could get away with RDM and unless you did it right in front of an admin or did it TO an admin, they wouldn't bat two eyelashes unless you RDM'd half the server, which two people did, and even then they got short, temporary bans (like, a day or two). In the community's later days, one user, xXJesus ChristXx, got 48 bans, mostly for RDM, before the owner finally added a 49th which was permanent. Yeah, try getting away with mass freekill on Outbreak. You might get one or two temporary bans, but I'd be amazed if the mods here don't perma you.
Anyways, I got into it with the players there, too. This time it was usually for raiding their bases unprovoked (which was allowed) and stealing their shit right out from under them. One of these players was Gamemaster, who was a respected member of the community. He and I got into it about Christianity/Catholicism, and I can't remember how it went but I eventually said Hitler didn't like religion and the Christians either, and Gamemaster responded by saying and I quote, "And I praise him for that". This sparked some debate with him and me, as well as a Jewish moderator on the forums, but in turn it made some other members change their forum avatars and signatures to Nazi-themed art styles, even submitting third-Reich sprays to Gamebanana. Not all of them were legit neo-nazis, but there certainly were sympathizers. That wasn't the worst of it, though.
If you've read my "The Glorious Outbreak" fan-fiction (parts 1 and 2), then you might have seen one name in particular being thrown about at the very beginning as a special thank-you.
If you don't know already, it's Prostitute. He's the one who inspired me to write such disgusting and demented fan-fiction. Granted, I heard some twisted stuff like "One Day Mario Woke Up and Decided to Take a Shit Because Hey, He's Mario" and "Sonic's Last One-Night Stand" being mic-spammed in TF2, but NEVER had I heard such vivid and plot-driven story-telling like Prostitute delivered. Unlike me, his chapters were VERY short, and each chapter wasn't made in a GOOGLE Document for a complete story; he made each chapter over a period of time in the forums on their own threads. The first one dealt with one of Scourge Noob's admins up late at night at his apartment giving instructions to new players when all of a sudden he hears his neighbors getting it on, whereupon he begins to jack off to them before climax. The chapter ended with him the next day finding out to his horror that his new neighbors were really two men. It was fucking hilarious, and everyone loved it. The rape that you find in my stories, however, came from Prostitute's second installment. In his second chapter, the admin was driving down the street in the Dark RP server (which played on rp_evocity_v2d) questioning his sexuality when all of a sudden he accidentally runs over one of the other admins. He then gets taken to jail where he would have been let out with only a $500 fine, but he forgot his wallet back in his apartment. The chapter ended with him trying to escape before being tackled to the ground and getting gang-raped by two officers before being thrown into a cell. The remaining stories Prostitute wrote all dealt with rape and some form of twisted penetration. I even made an appearance in one of his stories, where after assassinating the mayor two players try to hi-jack my car, whereupon I protest saying that I'm trying to raise money for the church before they shoot me in the head, crash the car a block later, and are swarmed by a colony of ants who rape each of the players to death in every orifice (mouth, nose, ear, etc.).
With each chapter Prostitute wrote, I became more and more warped and twisted in my mind. It's as if he planted a dark seed in me, and reading his fan-fiction only nurtured it in growth. I tried writing my own Scourge Noob fan-fiction, but never posted it because I wasn't well-liked for raiding other people and for my Catholic beliefs, plus I would have been accused of ripping off Prostitute. Still, I was in Christmas of Junior HS year when I started playing in Scourge Noobs, and that's why I told that girl from Drama Class why I became so demented (Drama Class was my second semester elective). Even in Senior Year of HS I was twisted. In English Honors, one of the exercises the teacher had us do at the beginning of the school year was for each of us to get up in front of the class, and the class would choose a food item that we would have to monologue about without any preparation (such an unprepared speech is actually a type of speech people do; I can't remember what kind it is). I had to do mine on bacon, and boy did I ever use "bacon" figuratively by talking about how "you check to see if her bacon is just right" and etc., basically making it into a huge euphemism for sex. The class laughed, and rather than punishing me, the teacher praised me because I had unwittingly turned that entire speech into a metaphor while doing the unprepared speech at the same time. Hell, when I sat down this one attractive girl who sat in front of me turned to face me, and while trying to hold in her laughter said "█████, I love you". Obviously she didn't really mean it THAT way, but you get the idea. People loved my erotic speech. Come October of that year, I found my way to Outbreak back in its CS:S days. After some quick, cheap sex jokes here and there and seeing how people chuckled to them, I thought to myself, "Hey, these people seem to like me. They laugh at my carnal jokes, and they don't have a Prostitute here who has already taken the spotlight in such fan-fiction". I decided that this was my chance to take all I had learned from Prostitute from Scourge Noobs and apply it to you. At the end of the school year, I came up with "The Glorious Outbreak: Part 1". It was a fucking success, as you can tell...

The lesson I learned from that publishing:
Erotic Comedy = Good = Make MORE
I then pumped out Part 2 a month or so later, which was largely met with mixed views with many people complaining that they weren't in it. I left Outbreak shortly after when the community declined and kinda drifted around in gaming, but never really settling down on another community. I eventually got back into Scourge Noobs when they rebooted the community, but it quickly died out soon after (apparently the old owner gave ownership to the admin first featured in Prostitute's fan-fiction, but when the community died out for a second time the new owner couldn't use administrative powers on the forums because the old owner was gone and people started spamming the forums with videos of dogs having sex(?); I really don't know I'm just going off of an announcement post made on the STEAM Group). I returned to Outbreak this past Christmas, and people still laughed at some of my shit.
This has been an incredibly long post (although that's for an incredibly long and in-depth backstory), so time to wrap things up.
Going back to NotRJayy's post

Well Rjay, not even I can really answer that, but what I can tell you is it's for several things.
1) Being good can earn you SHIT.
I could have been a better player, but fate doesn't tend to reward that kind of behavior. I tried that once and I got shit shoveled all over my face while those who frolicked in their sins against me got off scott-free.
2) Fate REWARDS me for pulling radical Shenanigans.
I made a fan-fiction that wasn't just a short forum thread, but an extensive GOOGLE Document not once, but twice, and each time YOU people enjoyed it to shit. I wrote a creepy song about CoCo, and if you saw the video, people in the server ENJOYED it, including the warden and Hobbs, who told me it was "inspirational" (obliviously he didn't really mean that but you can tell he did enjoy it).
3) Erotic Comedy = Good = Make MORE
As you could see from the screenshots I took of the old forums, people LOVED The Glorious Outbreak. People LOVED my song when I sang it during Talent Day on Dojo. People CHUCKLED when I took up someone's request for fan-art and actually delivered it in Teamspeak. Those responses sent signals to me, signals saying "This works, keep doing it BECAUSE it works".
4) I've been with the wrong crowd
I've played in online communities with stoners, sociopaths, perverts, abusive players, neo-nazis, suicidal people, and an erotic writer (Prostitute). I've been in a community where corruption was rampant in the staff, where admins and members tried real-world trading and real-life organized harassment.
I'll admit I hold a lot of responsibility for what I've done over the years, and there's no use denying it. Not all of it, however, is because of who I WAS, but because of who I've BECOME from who I've hanged out with and who I've idolized. So when someone comes on and posts this:
Well, you're kind of right, because I've had a sad, strange little history with a bunch of sad, strange little sociopaths.
This thread isn't some attempt at a "Get out of Jail Free Card" or some pity party, but just as an in-depth explanation for people like NotRJayy who wonder why I do what I do and for anyone asking such a question in the future.