My Speech on ambition and regret (feed back wanted)

[Pasickle 643]

" as a teenager i was so insecure. I was the type of guy that never fitted in because he never dared to choose to. I was convinced I had absolutely no ability at all. And that thought took away all my ambition too.' Much to my amazement, and i'm sure yours as well, these are words from the oh-so-famous Johnny Depp. Surprised? Me too.

some people may believe that there is nothing worse than that palm-sweating vein-knotting experience of getting something drastically wrong. However, I disagree... and I hope that by the end of this, you will too, because I in fact believe that there is something far, far worse than being incorrect and that is the infuriatingly infectious sensation of that poisonous, suffocating cloud of regret. Regret is much like an infectious cancer staining your insides with a dense, inky layer of impenetrable guilt. Don't live your life in this thick, viscous ocean of regret. Choking and drowning. Instead live your life in a sky overflowing with ambition and gratitude. Dare yourself to take risks.

Intimidating, I know, and it really can be difficult to fathom just how important it is to have a go; leap out of your comfort zone; push yourself further than you could have imagined; grasp all opportunities with both hands.

A survey was recently taken asking 500 elderly people 'what do you regret most in your lifetime?' Staggeringly, a breath-taking 99% of them stated, it was not the mistakes that they made which they most greatly regret, instead it was the opportunities they did not take. Can you think of anything more sole-destroying than lying lifelessly on your deathbed, contemplating the entirety of your life and regretting all of the tantalizing opportunities, possibilities and chances you could have taken.

society can be a cold, spiteful machine: malicious and manipulative. However this is no excuse to let it hypnotise you and overwrite your dreams, ambitions and beliefs. Don't let anyone or anything ever get in the way of what it is you desire to do. The only person stopping you is yourself.

thank you for reading.

this is my speech that i will have to go forth with next week on Friday in front of the entire school so i would be glad if you could spend sometime to give me a little feedback on what i can improve. thank you.       

[Sniffles 175]

Hey that's pretty good.

[Fluxy 1,660]

Its good bro, the only criticism I could really level at you is the "its what you don't do in life you regret" cliche, Im pretty sure everyone has heard it a tonne of times. Apart from that pretty decent, GL :)  

[VENGA BUS 2,027]

OK.

-Tired cliche narrative, nothing novel or unique which defamiliarises the listener, thereby allowing them to drift into auto-pilot.
-Predictable opening. Use of celebrity is particularly over-rated, especially given that Johnny Depp's main strength is that he is good looking, and realised he was good looking later. This is not something which anyone can aspire to, as looks are parcelled out unequally at birth.
-There is no set-up for 'society' at all. Why have you inserted this half-way through? You also don't address how or why society is 'cold' and 'manipulative', you just make a statement and assume the listener will agree.
-"and I hope that by the end of this, you will too " - don't write stuff like this. Be bold and aggressive, or subtle. Not somewhere in-between.
-The tone is simultaneously evangelical and naive throughout. Acknowledge life's difficulties and offer a compelling philosophy/reason to battle through them or accept them, don't just say "be happy anyway lmao cuz i dunno gratitude and ambition"
-You don't offer any reason for ambition. You don't clarify ambition. You don't offer any aim apart from 'be happy', which is stupid, because everyone wants to be happy - the problem is how you achieve that, which you completely eschew throughout this speech

You need to: 

-Set up a narrative or anecdote which is universally applicable, and elaborate on it as your speech progresses.
-Listen/read Alan Watts for inspirational speeches on interesting issues
-Completely fucking re-write this speech

 I hope my feedback helped. Happy Halloween. 

[Pasickle 643]

44 minutes ago, Rich Homie Sniffles said:

 

Hey that's pretty good.

 

thank you.

40 minutes ago, Fluxy said:

Its good bro, the only criticism I could really level at you is the "its what you don't do in life you regret" cliche, Im pretty sure everyone has heard it a tonne of times. Apart from that pretty decent, GL :)  

thank you for the feed back

12 minutes ago, VENGA BUS said:

OK.

-Tired cliche narrative, nothing novel or unique which defamiliarises the listener, thereby allowing them to drift into auto-pilot.
-Predictable opening. Use of celebrity is particularly over-rated, especially given that Johnny Depp's main strength is that he is good looking, and realised he was good looking later. This is not something which anyone can aspire to, as looks are parcelled out unequally at birth.
-There is no set-up for 'society' at all. Why have you inserted this half-way through? You also don't address how or why society is 'cold' and 'manipulative', you just make a statement and assume the listener will agree.
-"and I hope that by the end of this, you will too " - don't write stuff like this. Be bold and aggressive, or subtle. Not somewhere in-between.
-The tone is simultaneously evangelical and naive throughout. Acknowledge life's difficulties and offer a compelling philosophy/reason to battle through them or accept them, don't just say "be happy anyway lmao cuz i dunno gratitude and ambition"
-You don't offer any reason for ambition. You don't clarify ambition. You don't offer any aim apart from 'be happy', which is stupid, because everyone wants to be happy - the problem is how you achieve that, which you completely eschew throughout this speech

You need to: 

-Set up a narrative or anecdote which is universally applicable, and elaborate on it as your speech progresses.
-Listen/read Alan Watts for inspirational speeches on interesting issues
-Completely fucking re-write this speech

 I hope my feedback helped. Happy Halloween. 

ok venga, thank you for the help wasn't expecting so much but i agree with most of your points.

[Liutvi Mestan 606]

56 minutes ago, Pasickle said:

 

drink vodka stop being a pussy, man up

[Skeff 289]

I think it sounds good, good luck with it.