The Unofficial OB Joke thread!

[TheCake 0]

what is the different between a raiperand pornstar

the pornstar gets money for making videos lOl

I said stand and deliver or the devil he may take ya.

Mush-a ring dum-a do dum-a da

Wack fall the daddy-o, wack fall the daddy-o

There's whiskey in the jar.

[Kartoffel 55]

What's better than winning the Paralympic's?

Walking.

[Biggles 44]

What's better than winning the Paralympic's?

Walking.

[Bigtoe[AP2S1] 0]

Every day Mr. Robbins, or Big Jim as his friends call him, follows the same routine that he has for the last several years. His days are always typical and very rarely differ or have any excitement thrown in the mix. It usually starts off by him waking up to his wife farting rather loudly, giving off a potent and irritating smell. This happens because she has a certain condition that makes her much more gassy than the normal person, especially as she sleeps. So Big Jim then takes his pillow and throws it at her head. She usually wakes up thinking that he is trying to be playful because of that, even though what follows next has happened every single time for the last few years. He then grabs his pistol out from under where his pillow used to be and then continues to pistol whip her for the annoyance.

After bloodying her up a bit he then proceeds to the bathroom to urinate and then cry at his increasingly shrinking penis because of his steroids abuse, which hasn't made him get in shape or become stronger, but rather worsened his already four hundred pound weight to an astonishing four hundred and one pounds.

After crying for a while he then brushes his teeth and gets dressed. He goes to work and gets chewed out by his boss every day for his lack of effort and is then threatened to be fired if it does not improve by the end of the month. He is always being chewed out by his boss because he does the absolute minimum he is legally allowed to do at the Woman's Abuse Shelter. But, at the end of the month he is never fired because he threatens to kill his bosses daughter whom he has fresh photos of her most recent farting accident as proof of his promise. Normally someone would go to the police, especially when there is photographic evidence, but unfortunately the police chief is his father, who has an out-dated sense of Male Superiority, and the only detective in their small town suffered a heart attack four months ago. This caused a problem because the body was never disposed of because the only medical examiner died one day prior to that because he tripped over the body of the only doctor at a crime scene and fell off the mountain, killing both him and the only man who knew how to use a telephone in their town as that man tried to grab and save him but was only taken along on the ride. And now no one wants to report any crimes because they do not want to walk into the department because of the smell, and nobody knows how to use a phone because that person died trying to save the life of the only medical examiner who tripped over the body of the only doctor at a crime scene and went tumbling down, leaving the only detective to rot in the department, causing nobody to want to report any crimes because they do not want to walk into the department because of the smell, and nobody knows how to use a phone because that person died trying to save the life of the only medical examiner who tripped over the body of the only doctor at a crime scene and went tumbling down, leaving the only detective to rot in the department, causing nobody to want to report any crimes because they do not want to walk into the department because of the smell, and nobody knows how to use a phone because that person died trying to save the life of the only medical examiner who tripped over the body of the only doctor at a crime scene and went tumbling down, leaving the only detective to rot in the department, causing nobody to want to report any crimes because they do not want to walk into the department because of the smell, and nobody knows how to use a phone because that person died trying to save the life of the only medical examiner who tripped over the body of the only doctor at a crime scene and went tumbling down, leaving the only detective to rot in the department, causing nobody to want to report any crimes because they do not want to walk into the department because of the smell, and nobody knows how to use a phone because that person died trying to save the life of the only medical examiner who tripped over the body of the only doctor at a crime scene and went tumbling down, leaving the only detective to rot in the department, causing nobody to want to report any crimes because they do not want to walk into the department because of the smell, and nobody knows how to use a phone because that person died trying to save the life of the only medical examiner who tripped over the body of the only doctor at a crime scene and went tumbling down, leaving the only detective to rot in the department, causing nobody to want to report any crimes because they do not want to walk into the department because of the smell, and nobody knows how to use a phone because that person died trying to save the life of the only medical examiner who tripped over the body of the only doctor at a crime scene and went tumbling down, leaving the only detective to rot in the department, causing nobody to want to report any crimes because they do not want to walk into the department because of the smell, and nobody knows how to use a phone because that person died trying to save the life of the only medical examiner who tripped over the body of the only doctor at a crime scene and went tumbling down, leaving the only detective to rot in the department, causing nobody to want to report any crimes because they do not want to walk into the department because of the smell, and nobody knows how to use a phone because that person died trying to save the life of the only medical examiner who tripped over the body of the only doctor at a crime scene and went tumbling down, leaving the only detective to rot in the department, causing nobody to want to report any crimes. Big Jim then went home and his wife shot him to stop him from killing her eventually, but was never arrested because nobody wanted to go into the police department to report the crime, but the only police chief, who was his dad, does not want to see his son because his son made fun of him for smelling like dead body because he was always inside a room with a dead rotting body.

tl;dr fluxy

[mitch 457]

[Professor 0]

Three men were on a cruise ship when it sunk and having no other option they swam to the nearest island where they were promptly captured by blood thirsty cannibals. However, they are not instantly eaten, they are taken to the main hall of the village and are promptly offered something to eat from a mighty feast of fruit.

The chief of the tribe comes storming in. In a booming voice he cries "You tresspass on our lands! You must pass test of strength and join our tribe or fail and your flesh shall become fuel for our people."

All three men agree to take the test and head outside to the village center. Next to them a large cauldron bubbles away maliciously.

The chief turns to the men and explains the test. "Each of you greedy outlanders has stolen fruit from my table. The test shall therefore consist of whether we can push a similar fruit up your arse. If it fits, you are welcome to join my tribe. If you fail you will be killed and the fruit will be inserted in the hopes of making you tastier."

The first man is brought a cherry and sighs in relief when he manages to complete the task easily.

The second man is brought an orange and after much discomfort finally manages to complete the task and join the tribe.

The third man whimpers softly and said to himself "Oh god, why did I have to eat that pineapple."

[giant_cheesepuff 95]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me!' The man says: 'You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'

[TheCake 0]

Story herrr."

The story was good but the punchline was a bit lame.

[Quinn 643]

What noise does a cow make - NEEEHHHHY

What's black, white and goes moo - A horse

[HoneyMuffin 0]

What noise does a cow make - NEEEHHHHY

What's black, white and goes moo - A horse

*Clap* *Clap* *Clap* *Clap*

[Jamie 2,319]

What noise does a cow make - NEEEHHHHY

What's black, white and goes moo - A horse

Wait was that another reference to horse burgers? Or just some weird lame joke

[HoneyMuffin 0]

What noise does a cow make - NEEEHHHHY

What's black, white and goes moo - A horse

Wait was that another reference to horse burgers? Or just some weird lame joke

Either way it was bad.

[SGT.Olimar 0]

when is 6 not a 6?

when ali says it's a 9.

[george washington 0]

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Half a worm.

"Americans are so athletic!" (It's funny because Americans are very athletic when they are.)

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Shut the hell up because numbers are not living, suggesting they cannot have feelings.

Whats worse than finding 2 babies in one trashcan? 1 baby in two trashcans.

[george washington 0]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me!' The man says: 'You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'

this is my favourite so far :P