Doomblade94 50 Posted September 16, 2016 I originally wrote this poem for a contest in a GMOD community, but figured I'd share with others. Disclaimer: This is NOT based on a personal experience. I've had people make that misconception before so I'd just like to clear this up beforehand. Our eyes first caught sight on that warm summer night. As days and weeks went on, we seemed to hit it off right. Before I knew it, I was holding her tight and in the heat of the passion, I could feel our hearts take flight. One morning I found she was not just missing; she was gone. She left me a note explaining that she had moved on. She thanked me for the good time, for the passionate run, but in the end she was only in it for the fun. And after the heat of that moment, our jist was done. I thought she was special, someone in whom I could confide. Now I wake up each morning with a whirlwind of torture inside. There is no more happiness in me, because she made that part die. It ended the moment I learned that our love was a lie. 3 Liutvi Mestan, VENGA BUS and Skillershark reacted to this Quote Share this post Link to post
Skillershark 43 Posted September 16, 2016 Nice poem, good general idea for one and none of the sentences seemed like an idiot threw in random words. Just a small thing, every sentence seems like it could be a bit shorter. It might just be me, but I feel that if you make the sentences shorter and snappier, especially the ones saying important things to the story like the last one, it could have much more of an effect. Quote Share this post Link to post
Pasickle 643 Posted September 16, 2016 Good poem but tip for the future if you're trying to make an impact use more ambiguous language as poems don't always have to rhyme, sure they can be more impressive if they do but if you put as much effort into a poem without the rhyming aspect, i feel as though it would make it 100 times better , but you do you bro. Quote Share this post Link to post
Liutvi Mestan 606 Posted September 16, 2016 Doomblade, i'm still waiting for the "The Glorious Outbreak" fan-fiction (parts 1 and 2) :D :) 2 NotRJayy and VENGA BUS reacted to this Quote Share this post Link to post
VENGA BUS 2,027 Posted September 16, 2016 I liked that tbh. Nice and simple nigh on universally relatable themes of loss and mourning. I'd write some of it differently but I didn't write it so who gives a shit. Also really surprised this wasn't perverted. +rep for u good sir Quote Share this post Link to post