EACH UPDATE WILL HAVE A SONG THAT YOU NEED TO CLICK PLAY ON BEFORE YOU READ:
As an introduction to the daily updates, I thought I'd first and foremost update you on me, your host, Jak. Please read through this questionnaire which I have filled out lovingly for you all:
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
No, I am unique.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
4 months ago when I stubbed my toe on the edge of a heavy door when I had no shoes on
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yes, my handwriting is fantastic.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Dry cured ham hock, in big chunky pieces.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Definitely not, I'm horrible.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
No, not at all. Never.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
No I would not because I would be very ill if I did.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Yes, unless I'm wearing one of two pairs of which I don't do the laces up on in the first place.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Mentally yes, physically no. I have the body of a 14 year old boy.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Ben & Jerry's Phish Food
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Their cup size.
15. RED OR PINK?
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
My lack of moral compass.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
18. WHAT IS THE SPARK FEATURE THAT HAS HELPED YOU THE MOST?
I'm sorry I don't understand the question.
19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Grey mottled suede and white soled shoes with a blue layer within the sole.
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
An apple danish from Greggs.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The song I linked above these questions in the post.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
The waft you get when you open precooked, prepacked chicken.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
The Senior Enterprise Service Delivery Manager for Rackspace.
25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Darts or snooker.
27. HAIR COLOR?
28. EYE COLOR?
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Pizza, but good pizza, not bad pizza.
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy Endings, like Lisa gives me.
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
The World's Fastest Indian.
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
35. HUGS OR KISSES?
36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
37. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?
No thank you.
38. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION?
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
A book on self preservation and mental agility in the marketing and sales domain.
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
My keyboard and mouse. And a clip on lapel microphone. And my wrists as I'm typing.
41. ANY TATTOOS?
No. My body is a temple.
42. FAVORITE SOUND?
My 0630 alarm.
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
The Rolling Stones.
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME IN 2013?
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I am one of the best in the world at winding people up.
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Royal Leamington Spa.
47. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?
48. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE?
49. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?
It's silver, but it doesn't live with me any more.
50. ANY PETS?
No pets at the moment but I'm in the process of working out a deal with someone near Manchester to buy a dog with a big dick.
So that was the first daily update. Please remember to like and subscribe for more. Upcoming updates include things such as "measuring the amount of pasta Hugo can eat after 3 spliffs" and "who wants to be an Outbreak Millionaire?"